Wednesday, August 3, 2016

Transforming Self

Transformation is a moment to moment process. My current thought pattern is how to write a compelling, helpful book and create a website that shouts my truth. This process is exciting. I know my truth is that I am a spiritual being having a human experience. I leave behind my depression, kidney disease and other ailments. This had led to my transformation into a healthy vibrant woman. Filled with hope and gratitude.

My first attempt at writing a transformation paper. Led to me going over old wounds and success. I began to delve into the life that brought me to the me I am in this moment. While all of that information is useful to know there was a process a life that created this life. When I began to pick up all of that clutter I developed a  pain in my hands. This pain was not a momentary discomfort, it actually prohibited me from doing the things I love.

A friend of mine once asked me, "What are you not letting go of?" when pain had previously occurred in my hands. I remembered that conversation one night during my meditation time. I asked that question and the pain in my hands began to leave. I discovered that writing about the history behind my transformation I was picking up what I had let go.

My healing is the most important part of my story. My transformation is the most important part of my story. The details and history behind the suicide, the kidney disease, and the depression was the path but not the definition of the story. I did not need to pick up old stuff to write this paper. I have started over.

My suicide was the beginning of healing. My life transformed that night. I did not realize it at the time but that was the beginning of a miraculous journey to now. It was a baptism through fire, a rebirth of me and a slow process. I wish I could have received my knowledge without my journey taking that drastic of a turn but it did and I survived.

My kidney disease was an attempt to end this journey with out consciously doing the action to end my life. Depression and fear were still with me. I was still walking in fear and that fear materialized in my kidneys and liver. I was still trying to die. I was still holding on to my history and not moving forward in my life, my moment.

When I finally decided to live, I found myself destitute in spirit, financial, and love. I felt love for my husband, children and family but I could not give love. I still did not love myself. I was very broken. I believed in that moment I could never return. I was right. I could not return to the person I was. She did not exist in my now moment.

Slowly I learned. Slowly I took a step. I realized my health and happiness were gifts I could only give myself. I had to love myself to heal completely. Turning off the illness took time I began exercising for the release of the endorphin. That internal feel good hormone that we can only produce for ourselves. I began to eat better and make friends. I reached out the only place I had at the time the internet. I joined groups and I began to laugh and cry with other women.

The internet opened a door to connection. I had disconnect myself from everyone in my life and being able to sit a computer without having to dress and make a first impression with my physical body brought a freedom to express myself. That first step lead to me longing for real time connections. For the first time in my life I wanted to experience other people on an intellectual level. My relationships up until that point had been  physical. I used my body to get the connection, but I was to scared to voice my thoughts. Confidence slowly began to build that my mind was worth sharing and I had value.

This is the beginning of my transformation story. I vow not to ruminate in the events of my life that led to that transformation. I vow to share the story of the transformation. The life I have now and the principles that led me to this moment.  

Monday, May 2, 2016

Thoughts of the Evolution of Creation

This morning my mind was wandering in typical Teresa Wilkinson style, while eating my breakfast. I was thinking about the un-publishing of The Phillamanteca: The Story of Jane. My creation my work for several years while I was beginning the healing process. The joyful sadness that I could take it down as I am past that point in my life. I am healed.

I was thinking of that process the years and time it took to get to this point. Then the idea of the evolution of creation came upon me. Cells forming a union, multiplying, dividing all working together to become something. The Divine Love behind that very small beginning. How our universe works and the miracle of the evolution of creation.

The cells above look like a piece of our universe when you compare the two.

Inside  each of us is the beginning of a universe. Inside everything on our planet Earth is a smaller universe, and inside that is a cellular universe and on and on and on. If you go to Google Earth you can put in your address or any location and the program will zoom you in or out from that point with satellite imagery. This puts me in a different perspective.

 I walk into my backyard and I have control over the plants that stay and grow and the ones that are pulled and die. I am the Divine Love that makes the decision in a moment of what is good and stays and what needs to perish for the greater good. Yet as I look at Google Earth and I think about the size of my domain the trees I affect, the flowers, vegetables and weeds that are in that domain. I realize just how small that domain truly is in perspective to the vast earth that is not my domain. 

My individual Divine Love and Guidance is very very small, but very important to my well being and that of my family. I am not disparaging that my impact is minute. I am having an awe filled moment of the gift of life. The gift of our universe the wonder of cells uniting to create the world I am a piece of in this moment. This moment that is unlike the one just before it and the one that will come after it. 

I believe in God a Divine Love and Creator of our universe. I believe that the power of Divine Love has a plan for us and how we choose to express ourselves is the rejection or acceptance of a preordained path that was in place when those tiny cells came together and became. Ranchers and farmers discovered that by breeding animals with desirable traits together you could manipulate the product of your herd line to an optimum level, to resist disease, have tender meat, produce larger quantities of milk or do what needed to be done. A stronger breed of oxen to pull the cart to town. A small cuddly dog to sit in a lap or a huge dog to protect the family and the little lap dog. 


The evolution of creation has no limits, be it a human creator trying to make their domain stronger or friendlier or God, Divine Love, Spirit, there has to be a creator. Something that manipulates the stuff and encourages life to happen. 

This is why I am who I am, this is why you are who you are. Divine Love is at work. There is, and I suppose always will be things, that are beyond my control that I do not understand. Sometimes it is the rebirth of a weed in my back yard. I know I pulled the complete root out. (pesky things) Sometimes it is the gift of surprise, (oops I didn't plan for that). I know miracles happen, at least to us they are miracles because we don't see how it was possible, but I believe that everything is a part of a Divine Plan, one I don't always understand. I believe there are tasks that are absolutely mine to do, things that were set in motion before I was born. I also believe I have choices and those choices determine the outcome of the Divine Plan.

I leave you with this: If you are feeling small today go look at the weed in your back yard and remember you have dominion over it. If you are feeling larger than life, maybe a little full of yourself or ego minded go to Google Earth and put yourself back in perspective. Remember the evolution of creation is inside you and surrounds you all day, every day for eternity.


Saturday, April 30, 2016

My Journey as a Writer

Hello Friends,

It has been a long while since I have posted to this blog. There is a lot of news to share.

I have experienced a spiritual awakening. This process began during my serious illness many years ago, but I am now admitting to myself, through reflection and living what my path was and is.

I am still a storyteller, but my stories have taken a turn. This was something I was unwilling to share, therefore I did not write on this public forum. My spirituality I walked in fear of sharing, for these past few years.Now, I have been guided now to share.

Tomorrow, May 1st, 2016, The Phillamanteca: The Story of Jane will no longer be available. The story, although it is a metaphor for a period in my life, does not reflect the complete story of me. I will always feel that with help and guidance I had the strength to save my self, as Jane did, but there is so much more to the story. I may elect to publish the novel again at a later date, but for now it is going into my personal archives.

The spiritual journey I have enjoyed through this lifetime is remarkable. I am learning how wonderful our universal energy is and the  joy and  sorrow, miracle of life is all part of the amazing journey. My awakening began as a child. I rejected it for many many years, now I am aligning with my true calling and I am renewed to share.

Blessings and Namaste,

Teresa Wilkinson

Wednesday, January 6, 2016

I am Renewed

I am here to tell a story. I am Teresa the storyteller. I am Teresa Wilkinson. I am Teresa Meadows. This morning I became I am Renewed.

I started my morning waking from the deepest sleep, refreshed, happy, and fulfilled. My guidance told me to drive through the rain and spend time with my Mother. She was so happy to be awakened by me. My heart filled with joy to be received by love. Forgiveness has lead to a Mothers love, an experience I celebrate.

Driving back I received my name, Renewed.

I am Renewed with every breath I breathe. I breathe in peace and exhale love. My mustard seed faith brought me here. The Christ light within me was the beacon that showed the way. I am Renewed. I am the soulful being of love, created by Divine Intelligence.

I am approaching 2016, with guidance from within and from the universe. I will journey forward as Renewed. Guided by Divine Intelligence and Love.

Thursday, June 25, 2015

Affirmation "I go forth in the name of love."


I go forth in the name of love.

My first experience with baptism was April 10th, 1977. I was baptized with love in my heart for my parents whom told me this was mine to do. I did it with love in my heart for my church community at the time. I did it with absolute trust that although my 5th grade mind did not understand the complexity of the Christian baptism, I did it anyway. After all my mother made me a very special yellow dress for that Easter Sunday occasion.

My baptism was based on the scripture quote from Acts 2:38
“Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your
sins;and you shall receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.”

I was confused some by the literal translation of this scripture and trying to remember how much sin I had committed as an eleven year old child. I went to my father expressing my confusion and he encouraged me to follow my heart.

I followed my heart through out my life and I found the metaphysical definition of baptism works best for me.

Charles Fillmores, “The Revealing Word”, defines

Baptism, The spiritual cleansing of the mind.

My understanding of baptism now happens often. I would even venture to say baptism happens daily as I travel through some events in this current journey. Metaphysical baptism is a release. I follow my faith within to the expression of God within me, I release all of my stress and worries over to the universe and breathe in the peace and joy that is around me for I know that my highest good is the expression of God the Good. During times when I am uncertain and I turn to faith and follow my gut intuition I am baptised in the metaphysical definition of baptism.

There are times my human experience is confusing, I begin to doubt, have fear and question my path. I wonder whom am I really expressing, is it ego or higher consciousness. I wonder am I truly expressing my current highest good, I doubt who I am.

I usually become doubt filled directly after I have lost patience with those I love.

That seems simple. It shouldn’t be a big deal, but when I am studying grabbing a few moments of peace for meditation or prayer and I am interrupted I become frustrated, I react with a curt tone or unfavorable response to my loved ones and I doubt my path. How can I express my highest good, when I can not keep patience with those I cherish? Am I expressing the Best Christ I can be?

After these moments, I need a metaphysical baptism. I need a spiritual cleansing of the mind. I need to realize my Truth. I combat my doubt by baptising my mind and spirit with affirmations “I go forth in the name of love.”, I pray and meditate, I forgive and I emerge clean, spirit filled, and purified. I am at peace and I begin again. If I find myself reacting adversely 5 minutes later I excuse myself and do it again. Hence my mentioning sometimes I have to be baptised several times a day.  

This spiritual being having a human experience, has to remind herself this is my journey. I understand the metaphysical definition of baptism and the love it gives me a clearer understanding of that I am the bearer of peace and love. I can forgive, just as I am forgiven, I can love for I am loved, I can experience a spiritual cleansing of my mind at any time in any place.”I am baptized in the name of love and I go forth, as Jesus did, to be love, compassion, and kindness in the world.” quoted from June 24, 2015 Daily Word.


Sunday, July 27, 2014

The Spirit I Knew as Jan

My friend made her transition in early June. The loss devastated me in many ways. I was lost for a little bit, afraid and lonesome. Then the universe opened up to me. The following is my memorial to Jan. I miss her but I now see. I will always love, Jan.

My friend Jan made her transition June 11, 2014. My reaction that day was strong pain, tears of sorrow and wondering what was I suppose to do now, my mentor was out of reach. That day I was inconsolable. I have been told that being selfish during grief is human and to experience the feelings and honor my feelings. Now I can move forward and share with you my friend the ‘Spirit Known as Jan’.

Jan was joyful, beautiful, intelligent, worldly, and kind. I shared with Jan that I had become the insect disposer at work. Her reaction was “Oh, Teresa don’t kill them. Tell me you are not killing the bugs?” My vegetarian concerned with all beings in our world the consummate giver of unconditional love and peace to all beings human and other. This was my friend. I don’t think I will ever look at a bug or anything the same way after my short experience with Jan.

My Mother and I spent the Sunday afternoon before her transition with Jan. I will forever be happy for that time. She let me teach her how to build folders using Windows 7. She giggled with joy as she successfully transported files into folders. We talked and visited for 4 hours that day, during the time the subject went to her transition. Selfishly I told her she couldn't go she had too much to teach me. I changed the subject looking around her apartment wanting to ask questions about this and that. I have hundreds of questions.

When I began to receive the calling to become a minister Jan was the second person I told. I trusted her with my secrets, my loves, my joys, my pains and all things I about myself. Jan understood me. The subject came up once about super powers. A few days later after contemplation and meditation I proclaimed my super power was love. She was thrilled and agreed but she shared there was so much more to me. Jan saw all my possibilities, she encouraged me, loved me and cherished me. She kept reminding me, when life attacked that I was called to be a minister. Jan believed in me.

Jan never scolded or corrected me. I went to her with a trouble, something that had wounded me deeply. Jan had me create a list of the things that brought me joy. There was no particular order to the list just a list of things that brought me joy. I brought the list to her and I was laughing upon review my husband was not on my quickly made list. Jan brought to my attention that I had not included myself on the list either. “Do you not give yourself joy?” Jan asked me. I don’t think I answered that question, but it gave me so much to consider. I am taking steps to enjoy just being me.

The very last memory I have of Jan is beautiful. I realized how late is was our visit had lasted 4 hours. My husband would be looking for me, dinner was not ready and oh boy was I going to be late. Jan said, “I am really glad you joined the choir. I love your voice and energy up there. You know my kids begged me not to sing. I don’t have the breath control and just can’t sing, but I dated an opera singer for a time and he taught me how to sing ‘Happy Birthday’ in staccato.” Jan sang ‘Happy Birthday’ to me as I left. I was serenaded by my friend the sound was beautiful. Her face smiling beaming in joy.

Jan’s love overflowed her physical being in her human form. Her spirit filled the room with laughter and joy. June the eleventh I thought, I was afraid, her spirit was gone that I would never experience her again. I was wrong. My memories bring her to me. The wisdom she shared with me is always with me. Her jokes, teasing remarks and unconditional love for me is forever within me. Jan was a mentor and a mother spirit to me. I feel her joy and love fill me daily when I need a hug or a nudge her spirit is alive.