My friend Jan made her transition June 11, 2014. My reaction that day was strong pain, tears of sorrow and wondering what was I suppose to do now, my mentor was out of reach. That day I was inconsolable. I have been told that being selfish during grief is human and to experience the feelings and honor my feelings. Now I can move forward and share with you my friend the ‘Spirit Known as Jan’.
Jan was joyful, beautiful, intelligent, worldly, and kind. I shared with Jan that I had become the insect disposer at work. Her reaction was “Oh, Teresa don’t kill them. Tell me you are not killing the bugs?” My vegetarian concerned with all beings in our world the consummate giver of unconditional love and peace to all beings human and other. This was my friend. I don’t think I will ever look at a bug or anything the same way after my short experience with Jan.
My Mother and I spent the Sunday afternoon before her transition with Jan. I will forever be happy for that time. She let me teach her how to build folders using Windows 7. She giggled with joy as she successfully transported files into folders. We talked and visited for 4 hours that day, during the time the subject went to her transition. Selfishly I told her she couldn't go she had too much to teach me. I changed the subject looking around her apartment wanting to ask questions about this and that. I have hundreds of questions.
When I began to receive the calling to become a minister Jan was the second person I told. I trusted her with my secrets, my loves, my joys, my pains and all things I about myself. Jan understood me. The subject came up once about super powers. A few days later after contemplation and meditation I proclaimed my super power was love. She was thrilled and agreed but she shared there was so much more to me. Jan saw all my possibilities, she encouraged me, loved me and cherished me. She kept reminding me, when life attacked that I was called to be a minister. Jan believed in me.
Jan never scolded or corrected me. I went to her with a trouble, something that had wounded me deeply. Jan had me create a list of the things that brought me joy. There was no particular order to the list just a list of things that brought me joy. I brought the list to her and I was laughing upon review my husband was not on my quickly made list. Jan brought to my attention that I had not included myself on the list either. “Do you not give yourself joy?” Jan asked me. I don’t think I answered that question, but it gave me so much to consider. I am taking steps to enjoy just being me.
The very last memory I have of Jan is beautiful. I realized how late is was our visit had lasted 4 hours. My husband would be looking for me, dinner was not ready and oh boy was I going to be late. Jan said, “I am really glad you joined the choir. I love your voice and energy up there. You know my kids begged me not to sing. I don’t have the breath control and just can’t sing, but I dated an opera singer for a time and he taught me how to sing ‘Happy Birthday’ in staccato.” Jan sang ‘Happy Birthday’ to me as I left. I was serenaded by my friend the sound was beautiful. Her face smiling beaming in joy.
Jan’s love overflowed her physical being in her human form. Her spirit filled the room with laughter and joy. June the eleventh I thought, I was afraid, her spirit was gone that I would never experience her again. I was wrong. My memories bring her to me. The wisdom she shared with me is always with me. Her jokes, teasing remarks and unconditional love for me is forever within me. Jan was a mentor and a mother spirit to me. I feel her joy and love fill me daily when I need a hug or a nudge her spirit is alive.