Saturday, December 3, 2011

Internal Discovery




I have a friend whom told me I have a Daddy Complex. I being totally honest with myself I will admit yes I do. I want my man to be strong and confident. I want him to take care of me and to take care with me. I want him to lead us and love me unconditionally to the best of his ability. I want to discuss my deepest thoughts, desires and goals in return I want his truthful thoughts and ideas regarding my ideas and thoughts.

I do not want to do life alone. I hate not having a partner, yet within that partnership I want my man to lead while listening. So yes I have a Daddy complex. Recently when financial stress threatened my children I had a breakdown in communication with my husband. Those breakdowns lead to a crisis in writing on my blog and writing/working on the new novel. I became so overwhelmed in the conversations I perceived myself having with my husband I could not let the actual conversation take place.

I stuffed all those conversations and feelings deep within myself. I thought I knew so well what would be that I did not give him the benefit of showing me what could be. My lack of communication is an ongoing problem in our marriage. I get brain constipation which affects my heart and soul. Now as we recover from this financial and emotional crisis I am discovering a lot about myself.

I know perceived conversations are not conversations with my spouse. Getting caught up in the perceptions is not fair to him and does not give him the opportunity to truly be the loving husband that he is. It also does not allow him to be the leader I need him to be. So you see although I have a Daddy Complex sometimes through my own mental constipation I seal up and do not allow him to help or be the leader I desperately need him to be. That is not fair to either of us.

Now what do I do with my new information. Certainly I file it for future use and try not to make the same mistake twice. Now that is the topic for another blog because I have definitely made this mistake more than twice before in my life. 

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